Also known as, “Dude, do you ever go outside, because clearly you have way too much time on your hands?”
Today my post is of the list-y type, because A) I am a nerd who loves lists and B) y’all are probably sick of my book reviews right now. Also, Tori said it was okay. These are the things that occupy my thoughts:
- How come when I’m wearing glasses and I turn my head away from the computer screen to sneeze, I still get sneeze droplets all over the outside of my glasses anyway?
- And seriously, how do they get so $%#^-ing dirty when I never touch the damn things? I put them on and everything’s relatively clear for five minutes, and then all of a sudden it’s like some sticky-fingered toddler has used them for a chew toy.
- Am I the only person who prefers Lady Sybil to Lady Mary? Mary is just so tediously like every single heroine in bad historical fiction, and her eyebrows are weird. Whereas Sybil is just so quietly, sweetly rebellious and infinitely more interesting.
- Speaking of Downton Abbey, does anyone actually care about Mary and Matthew? God, they’re so tedious. I want them to move to Antarctica already and get off my show.
- I really like putting my headphones on while I’m riding the Metro to work and pretending that I’m in a pretentious indie film with a suitably indie soundtrack, staring sadly out the window as the train rattles its way along the Red Line and my music plays over the whole scene.
- Of course, I ruin this every single time by listening to Jay-Z or music from Glee. Why? Because it’s hilarious. Suck it, Zach Braff!
- Can I hear it from all the other people who refresh tracking information for their various packages twenty times a day? I don’t know why I do this, except that perhaps the part of me which is still five years old thinks that it’ll make my delivery come faster.
- My favorite joke is this: “What do you call it when you throw a stick of dynamite into a French kitchen?” “Linoleum Blown-Apart!”
- Yeah, I know. But I still laugh uncontrollably every time I tell it.
- I can recite the alphabet backwards and have every hope of beating any sobriety test imposed on me by a cop. (Or, more accurately, my mother on a Saturday night around 11:18 PM.) Thank you, Sister Bernadette, for making me learn it in 2nd grade! Catholic school nuns: aiding and abetting drunken karaoke since 1992.
- It’s not wrong that I own two Snuggies. I’m not asking anyone if it is. I’m saying definitively that it’s not.
- One is pink and one is blue. They go with everything. Especially for working on my night cheese.
- John and Sherlock are doing it, right? [Tori says: “No, but Seanan McGuire just confirmed Tybalt is bisexual so do with that as you will, slash fans.”]